A Broken Soul Saved By Love
People don’t want their lives fixed. Nobody wants their problems solved. Their dramas. Their distractions. Their stories resolved. Their messed cleaned up. Because what would they have left? Just the big scary unknown.
Chuck Palahniuk (via only-by-night)
I’m a Survivor

I was raped. It has taken me almost a year to finally believe it is not my fault. I am not your common victim. I was not a virgin, I was not a child, and at a previous point in the night, I was willing. I had been dumped a few hours earlier. I was heart broken and vulnerable. After much pressure from my “best friend”, I chose to smoke a joint. An hour later i willingly had sex with said “friend”. I was lonely, sad and vulnerable. I knew it was a mistake, but it couldn’t be undone. Shortly after falling asleep, i was awoken by this man on top of me. He was thrusting inside of me as if i were an object. He finished and went to sleep. I laid for the rest of the night shaking and confused. The word “rape” did not come to mind. It had previously been consensual. He used a condom. I just laid there and didn’t do or say a thing. Though, i did not want it or enjoy it, it didn’t hurt. I felt betrayed and hurt. I left in the morning and never said a word. Not to him. Not to anyone important. I called my mother. She told me it was a rape, but i didn’t see it that way. I never told the cops because there was no proof. I have been living with it ever since. I became extremely promiscuous.

    I am now happily married and working through my problems. But I have not confronted the person who did this to me. I have a good life and I don’t regret my past. I just want to be whole again. I don’t want to be hurt anymore.

…..

Sick of my husband. Sick of this shit. Wish I could get away and go do something….

60891) I’ve tried so hard to recover on my own, every few months I think I’ve finally succeeded but then something triggers me back to square one. Stuck in the middle between healthy and screwed up, I feel like I failed at even cutting.